so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
