A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
