the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
