The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize