i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize