Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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