I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Houston, we have a blender
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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