idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
