He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
