omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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