McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
