i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
