its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
