just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
