In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
did i just pee glitter
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
