chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
