I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
