mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
