I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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