i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
