I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
