You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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