Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
