you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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