I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
