Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
as a side note pls kill me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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