Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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