Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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