i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
