Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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