i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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