see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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