Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This is the high leading the old right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
