She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize