I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
