See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
