I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
