I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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