Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize