I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize