is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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