I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
