I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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