I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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