I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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