Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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