6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
