There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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