omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
