so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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