Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
