All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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