yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
