So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
