dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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