i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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