these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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