Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
