R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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