Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
